My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
