I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My feet surprised me
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