had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
