The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
