i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
babies were throwing up all over the place
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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