like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
