i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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