that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize