Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
