so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
