My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
