is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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