his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
