I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize