I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
