apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
