they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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