Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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