I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bit a glass in half.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
