It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
