i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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