for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
