I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
