Kiss
Puke
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
