that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
