im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
