I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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