Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
