I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
