I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
