I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
