Life is so much better after having sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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