This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
