Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
