everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
