im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize