I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
God I need to hump something, right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
