Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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