The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
