if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
