Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
