i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
