I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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