No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
