She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
