he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize