OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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