Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
