Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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