One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
