had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
