3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
