Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
