i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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