so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
