Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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