Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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