my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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