did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
